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A Shower at Dusk, or Thereabouts

Staring at a reflection of a man standing in a bathroom Parker shouted, "They can expect you to just do everything that you're supposed to do, they can expect you to be a fucking saint, but they can't make you do those things!"  He breathed heavily and gripped the sink, lifting his eyes back up to stare at his reflection, "They can try to make you doooo whatever the fuck they want, but you won't let them, nah man, you won't let them get the best of you."  He punches his hand down on the edge of the sink to mark his words, "God dammit, fuck" he yelled as he pulled his hand back shaking it.

"Everything alright in there?", Grace asked.

"Yeah, it's all good, about to hop in the shower."

Grace was sitting out on the couch watching an old episode of Doctor Who.  The special effects were horrendous but the story could really draw you in if you let it.  She wasn't listening to Parker on his tirade in the bathroom, she didn't even notice him yelling at himself in the mirror.

"These motherfuckers think they know everything, they think they know what I should do, they think they know what everybody should do.  They're all a bunch of rat fuckers, god damn pig fucking, shit sucking piss-ants, and they can't tell me to do shit." Parker muttered this under his breath, not even fully aware himself of the words he uttered.  He turned the hot water knob for the shower and pulled the plunger up on the faucet.  After every shower, it fell back down.  No one had taken a bath in three months, but every time water poured to fill the tub and had to be changed over to the shower head.

Parker stood in the room, fully clothed.  He watched the steam cause the curtain to billow and dance in the air.  He stood in a rapt gaze as steam spilled from above the curtain rod and filled the room like a storm.  He turned his attention to the mirror and watched as his reflection was obscured from his forehead to his face and then wash out the rest of his body.  He stood, looking at nothing in particular as the room was faded, obscured in the fog that poured from the shower head.

Eventually, he reached in and turned the cold water knob to bring the temperature to something bearable.  Not exactly comfortable, but tolerable.  Still hot.  Parker wanted to feel the heat press against his skin, slightly burn himself, remind himself that he is alive and that he is a feeling, sentient being that is capable of free-will even if it was destructive.

Here's the thing Parker would tell you though, he would tell you that we don't have free will.  That every decision we make we decide upon because we think it is the best thing for us to do.  Even something that is objectively harmful to oneself, he would argue that it is something that, in the long-run, will be beneficial to someone.  Parker would have you believe that no one is capable of deciding anything, that our brain processes and presents the idea to us as the one that we want to do.  Our ego, our consciousness, is a facade created by deeper-level processes determined by genetics.  Early man used to go crazy, that is why the life expectancy was so low.  They would hear voices that would tell them to do things, their consciousness was an auditory hallucination and there was no concept of consciousness.  Early man was just guided along by a voice in the sky, even if that voice was their own on some level.  God came from this voice.  Demons came from this voice.  Angels, spirits, ghosts, aliens...all came from this voice, our voice, our brain talking to us, telling us what to do. 

Parker would go on to tell you that eventually evolution figured out the good way to do this was to actually make the person think it was their own voice and have it be inside of their brain.  We call this consciousness, but it's still a projection.  We don't want to think of it is a projection though, because if it was a projection that means we don't have free will.  Parker would tell you that no one has any free will and we're just living out our genetic programming.

It's not that we're pre-destined to do certain things, it's just that we're pre-determined to respond to any set of stimuli in a set way.  In a sense one could call that pre-destination, but that would mean someone is planning things out on a large scale.  No one is planning anything out.  If there were, Parker would let you know, "They're sure doing a shit job."

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